but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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