im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize