never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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