More tranny stories later!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
