I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
