she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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