My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
