i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
