I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
