Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I will die if light touches me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
