So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
