This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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