only you would photoshop your dick
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize