I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
