Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
