I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
