I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
