my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
