You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it's like heaven, but drunker
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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