DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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