turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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