you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
