so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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