I bet he comes in French.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
