so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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