Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
