Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize