dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
