i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
