party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
