Soap is not a condiment
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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