I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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