I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
