I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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