im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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