i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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