I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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