Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Randomize
