I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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