My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
