im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think my vagina is haunted
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
