I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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