Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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