i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize