I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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