was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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