I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize