i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
