Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize