your thong is hanging out like whoa
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
