You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i may or may not be watching the land before time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
