My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize