I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
