even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
