I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
