so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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