mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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