Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
