We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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