Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
