Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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