no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
