I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
