btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
