Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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