pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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