i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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