I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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