We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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