my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
