She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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