Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
