So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
