Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
