Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
