trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize