And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
