I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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