Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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