You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
