Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
