Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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