I accidentally burped into my bong.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
