guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
