i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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