You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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