3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
