When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
