One girl and one boy is just not enough.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
