Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize