Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
